Seeing for the first time
My experience was unusual in the sense that my soul, initially, neither separated from my body, nor was I sick or dead. I believe at some point I separated, but I donít know when or where. I have also come to believe that this experience was intended- or that He may have wanted to see me. I was a single-parent at the time, working as an engineer in the science field. I was just out of school, starting over, and worried about making ends meet and being a good parent. My head was in science, and I believed everything could be explained, eventually, through science. And since I had never seen God- I couldnít imagine how he could exist. It made no sense; it didnít seem logical.
It was an average work night, as I finished cleaning up the house and getting ready for bed. I remember shutting off the lights and entering my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. My toddler had fallen asleep in my bed. I got into bed and looked over at her, pulling the covers up around her shoulders. I went to lay down, then suddenly changed my mine. I didnít know why, but I sat up, feeling the urge to get out of bed. It struck me odd, wondering where I was going, although the feeling was overwhelming. It was as though my body took control over my brain, as I swiftly got out of bed, heading for the door, baffled.
I opened the door and immediately gasped, doing a double take, as I stood in shock, breathless, and overwhelmed. My hallway was gone. The entire house for that matter had disappeared, replaced with a football size field. I was literally outside. I could even feel the night air on my cheeks. I just couldnít imagine how any of this could be possible. I was awake, in my pjs, standing in my bedroom doorway overlooking a field. It just didnít seem possible. I couldnít imagine there could ever be a sound explanation. I imagined I would have heard a tornado or an explosion- it was unbelievable. Except for my bedroom, the rest of the house was missing; it just vanished-- poof, gone.
overwhelmed, yet determined, I actually tried to rationalize it all,
trying to come up with some sound explanation as to how this could
be possible. I looked back at my daughter, still sleeping soundly.
This was an important moment, because when I looked back on her,
there was no one else in the bed. I was awake and this was really
happening. For reasons unknown, I was overcome with the feeling that
I had a choice. It was mine to make. And it was in my mind. I could
walk out into the field or I could go back into my room, shut the
door, and go back to sleep. Tomorrow, I would remember this all as
some kind of odd dream, due to an unusual movie I saw, or perhaps
something I ate. But I also
I chose the field. It was who I was- I had to see. Despite what possibly could lie ahead, my determination to get to the bottom of it, to make sense of it all, along with natural curiosity, got the best of me. I chose to examine the situation, despite any dangers or provocations. My inability to explain what was happening over powered any fear I might have had. I checked on my daughter one more time, and I somehow knew that she would be safe. Then I quietly shut the door. I had hoped I had made the right decision. I began to walk out into the field. The night was beautiful, lots of stars and the moon offered some light. This would help since I did not recognize where I was.
As I continued to walk, I saw movement ahead. When I got closer, I could see there were people in the field ahead. I felt relieved. Finally, I could get some answers. I moved swiftly, directly toward them. As I approached the group, I realized how large it was. There were so many people of all ages. No one appeared to be talking; instead, they were pacing about, as if they were anticipating something or someone. They seemed to be in such deep thought, and I hesitated to interrupt them. But I felt I had no choice.
I chose an elderly man, first. He was tall, over 6í, with white hair and a lean physique. I guessed he was over 65 years old. I approached him, speaking clearly. I asked him what was going on, what was happening. His eyes never met my own, as he ignored my questions. He walked swiftly by me, rejoined the group, and continued to pace with the others.
I was taken back by his behavior. I initially thought he was rude, or perhaps he simply had not heard me. I wondered then, if he could hear me or even if he saw me. He seemed to look right through me. I was beginning to become frustrated, though I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so I decided to approach another. I chose a woman with two young kids, a boy, and girl; all three were blonde and blue-eyed. The woman held their hands, keeping them close to her. I assumed they were her children. Her pace was quicker than the old manís. Feeling that I had no choice, I quickly stepped in front of her, cutting off her pace, forcing her to stop abruptly. I now knew they could see me, since she looked directly into my eyes, angry that I had interrupted them. I could sense she thought I was rude. Again, I asked if she could please tell me what was happening. She looked back at me annoyed and as though I was an idiot. It then dawned on me that everyone seemed to no what was going on, but me. After observing the others, it was apparent that I was the only one who had no clue or idea of what was about to happen. It was as though I had wondered in on something I was not supposed to be apart of.
My feelings were hurt, as I stepped back slowly, embarrassed, feeling very much alone. She gently lifted her hands, each clasped around one of the childrenís, moving pass me. She continued pacing, eventually becoming lost in the large crowd. Frustrated, I decided it wasnít the time to start feeling sorry for myself, and I needed to come up with another plan. I thought for awhile, as I continued to watch the crowd pace. I decided since they all seemed to know what was happening, I would just lay low and wait. I would watch their movements, and I would wait with them for whatever was about to happen. I would just stay quiet and observe. Since I had nowhere to go, I thought this was as good as any plan.
Then the crowd stopped pacing. The group moved closer to one another and stood quiet and still, peering upward. I joined them, examining their faces. Something was about to happen. My own anticipation began to grow. For what, I neither knew, nor could I have ever guessed. Things were about to become even more extraordinary, if that was possible.
Suddenly, the group, including myself, slowly began to lift off the ground. I immediately gasped, terrified, my feet hovered about a foot above ground level. They were no longer touching the field below. I wondered how this could be.
I wondered what kind of trick this was. Then before I could scream, we began to ascend quickly, higher, and higher into the night sky at a rapid speed. I was frozen with fear, wondering what had a hold of me (since the last time I checked, humans couldnít fly). I soon realized that nothing had me, and that it was I, along with the group, physically ascending toward the clouds.
Terrified, I peered down to see the top of my home then my entire town getting smaller, until finally disappearing in the clouds. As we began to pass through clouds and ascend higher, I began to see stars. We passed them, including constellations. It was all so incredible, yet magnificent. I began to accept that this situation was totally out of my control and there was no sense in being frightened. So, I might as well relax, if that was possible.
The more I relaxed, the better it all seemed to go. I noticed a warm, gentle breeze that passed through my clothes, as we continued to climb higher up into the night sky. I lifted my arms, allowing the breeze to touch every part of me. I smiled for the first time, and I was no longer afraid. It left me feeling peaceful and at ease. It struck me odd. I came to the assumption that we were obviously high in space, yet the air was warm, not cold and frigid. After everything that had happened up until now, I found myself still trying to make sense of it all. It was truly ridiculous at this point. I was clearly awake and experiencing something of enormous proportions. Unknown as to why, but I had entered into an unexplained realm. I knew when it came to the sciences; there was still so much we could not explain. This clearly was one of them. And I was privilege to be a witness.
We came to an abrupt stop. My feet touched ground. I was relieved and thankful. I looked down to examine the surface that I stood on. A cloudy mist hovered at my feet. I couldnít seem to brush it away to see what lie beneath it. I gave up trying and looked at the crowd to see what followed next. Then the entire group turned around, facing the other direction. I followed their lead. What appeared to be a large screen was in front of us. Immediately, images began to appear as though in fast-forward mode.
I somehow was able to absorb and understand all of it, despite the speed in which the pictures were displayed. I realized the images being shown were the explanations concerning the howís and whyís of the meaning of life. I remember feeling happily overwhelmed, realizing that it all made sense and that it had always been so simple. So simple, yet as humans, we never get it.
The film finished, as the crowd, again, turned to face the opposite direction. They began to form a line. I followed, falling in line with them. I wondered what the line was for. There was a tall man in front of me and I was unable to see over him. I strained to peer around the side of him, trying to see what was at the top of the line. Each person was taking a turn, confronting something, but I didnít know what or who.
It was then that I notice an incredible, brilliant, white light at the end of this line. I write incredible because I notice the light being so intensely bright and dynamic, yet it did not hurt the eyes to look directly into it. Although I did not understand why, I found the light to be amazing, and it seemed to fill me with joy and warmth. I became excited and filled with anticipation to make it to the front of the line. I couldnít wait until it was my turn. Finally, the gentleman in front of me moved away. It was now my turn; I was at the front of the line. Anxious, my eyes focused right away on what was at the center of this light. The light came from and was because of this being. Immediately, I fell to my knees covering my head and eyes with my arms tightly. My eyes filled. Then the tears began to fall uncontrollably, yet I was filled with such joy. They were tears of happiness. I had remembered. I knew this being in front of me.
It all had returned to my memory, and I knew I was not worthy to be in his presence, let alone to look upon his face. To some, I might have appeared pathetic all scrunch up in a ball, hiding my eyes and head with my own arms. But to me, I couldnít imagine ever feeling such utter joy. It was an honor to be at his feet, and I just couldnít seem to be low enough, before him. The love and respect I had for this being was unlike anyone I had ever known.
Then he spoke to me. Not with the mouth, but through telepathy, and I understood everything clearly. When he gave me permission to look upon his face, I simply could not believe it. I knew it was such a great honor, probably one that I did not deserve. Yet, I was so happy, so excited, I kissed his sandaled feet gratefully.
I slowly peered up at him, as I immediately reached an even higher level of utter joy. My tears of happiness ran down my cheeks like a faucet. I imagined this joy I felt was unlike anything us humans could ever feel on Earth. One could take their most happiness moment ever experienced then times it by 10 or 100 or maybe 1000 or more. I donít even know for sure, but the feeling was extraordinary. I knew this being. I had remembered, and I knew I would never forget from this night on. He was, indeed, God. Not only was he real, but so was Heaven. Both existed. And for whatever reason, I was privileged to see and become witness to it.
Then we got down to business. He asked me what my problem was. I initially thought this was an odd question for God to ask, although he was not going to let me get away with that thought for too long. I knew exactly what he meant, and became very embarrassed and ashamed. And to make things worse, I knew I had to fess up to him. I told him I was worried about money, making ends meet. He asked me if I now knew how irrelevant that all was. Lowering my head, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes, I shook my head in agreement.
Then he said there was something he wanted me to see. It was my life up until then. Another film began to play, again, in fast-forward mode. This time it was personal; it was my life being shown to me from birth. It was amazing as I recalled times that had passed. I also saw times in which I had not made good decisions. The shame overwhelmed me, as I dropped my head, hiding my eyes from him. He placed his hand on my shoulders and gave a squeeze in comfort. I looked up at him and realized he had forgiven me of all my sins. He truly loved me unconditionally, and it was true that his forgiveness was merciful. I felt unworthy. And it was the first real time in my life that I understood humility. He had taught me what it really meant.
He told me that it was time to return. I immediately pleaded with him not to send me back. I wanted to stay with him, as I begged him shamefully. He helped me up and said that I must return. He explained there would be a time in which my daughter would need me, when no other could help her. But as much as I loved her, I somehow knew she would be all right. I knew that this place was truly home; it was where we all returned, and so would she. But he insisted and offered to take me back himself.
Then he gave me news that was even more disappointing. He told me that the imagines I saw on the screen and the image of his face would be removed from my memory. Not wanting to be disrespectful, but out of desperation, I grabbed onto his arm and held tight. I pleaded with him not to remove the image of his face from my memory-- anything but that.
His smile was wide and bright, as he took hold of my left arm, and we began to drift downward. It was comforting and safe to be with him, as we passed by stars in the night sky, drifting through clouds. I eventually could see my town and the top of my house.
We drifted through the roof, entering my bedroom. At the ceiling, I noticed my daughter, still sleeping soundly. But then I noticed something else; I noticed another body next to hers. When we reach the floor, I realized it was my own. I was completely confused. He gently lifted me, placing me back into my body. I immediately jumped out of bed reaching for him. But by now, his light was escaping through the window, until finally completely gone. I sat on the edge of my bed, still engulfed with such joy. I took hold of my head, saying over and over again in my mind, I will not forget, I will not forget. But no matter how hard I tried, the images I had seen including his face, began to drain from my memory, until I could no longer remember.
But this didnít seem to derail my emotions too much. Still excited and overwhelmed, I was unable to sleep, as I quietly left my room and went into the living room. I was relieved to see all was back to normal, although, I knew it would be. I looked at the clock, realizing it was about 2:30 AM, nearly four and a half hours had passed since I first had gone to my bedroom.
It was hard to go to work the next day. I had this big secret that I had to keep to myself. I had to protect my familyís privacy and our livelihood. I somehow knew no one in the science department would ever understand. After work, I went to get my mail and found a check from the IRS for over $1000 of backed taxes they owed me from years ago. It was unexpected, yet appreciated. I knew it was a sign from the conversation the night before. It had really happened. It was all true.
One day turned into years of secrecy and years of extraordinary happenings. The more I rejected what was happening to me, the more things seem to get thrown at me. It was like I had no choice in the matter. For years, none of it made sense until I began to put things together. I started to remember the things that I had seen. Once when I was eating dinner, I turned to a TV special on the Shroud. It was the first time I had ever seen the image close up. I nearly dropped my plate when the outline of the image took on a familiar resemblance.
Iím the type that needs multiple examples or multiple forms of proof. It wasnít until 911 did I start understanding how to separate dreams of importance from the others. And by that time, I also had additional information from previous years and their examples. I believe Iíve been asked three times to do something for Jesus, and I now believe.
Over five years ago, when I saw Mary in my dream, she warned me of pending danger for my family. That same week, something else happened. I was washing my hands at the sink, when I noticed something shining on the floor. I approached the two objects. There were two tiny (about 3 inches each) little rainbows separated apart by about a foot and a half. They were beautiful and perfect. I tried to figure out what was making them. I got on my hands and knees and started to cup the light from the window from them, but to no avail. Nothing seemed to break the light image. I moved around, trying from all angles, but I could not find the source causing them. Finally, my heart fell when I realized the rainbows were not coming from the window, but from the off-white floor itself. But before I could recover from that piece of info, I heard a voice through telepathy. It was male telling me to come to the window and stand between the rainbows. When I went to the window, light poured in and I could hardly look out. The voice said that He was God and not to worry, that he was with me. Then he told me that he wanted me to write what I knew was the truth.
Then it was over and the rainbows disappeared. Afterwards, I rejected this; it was all too much as I even tried to compromise with him. I just couldnít accept it all- it was too much. I decided no one would ever believe and I didnít want anything to do with it. It all terrified me and I just felt I wasnít the person for the job. I wanted it all to stop; I refused to believe.
Then the second time came when I was placed under hypnosis. The doctor asked me to ask Jesus what he wanted from me. Basically, the same thing was said. And the third encounter came one night when I was sick with pneumonia. A voice told me to wake up, calling me by name. He said wake up, this is your Lord, Jesus Christ- wake up and hear me now. So, naturally, I woke up and heard him. Again, he told me I was some kind of messenger and to write these things down. I asked him if he was sure he had the right house, and that I couldnít imagine ever picking this, prior to birth. He laughed. He told me of three signs that would come to pass. He told me to memorize a prayer, and that I couldnít go back to sleep until I knew it (maybe it was the fever). So after all three signs came to pass, because of the other two incidences, Iím thinking there might be something to this, and Iíve decided to write this stuff down or I may never get peace- not that Iím complaining. I didnít want to write a book or anything for profit or exploitation, and at the same time, I wanted to be able to protect my privacy.
The majority of what has happened to me is listed on near-death.com. At this time, I believe this is one of the best places for this information. This is a wonderful site. Thanks to the administrator, and to those who come with an open, objective mind, and kind heart. Again, in the name of Jesus Christ, I give oath that all I have written stems from what I have been witnessed to and experienced- so help me God. I think this is what He wanted, and I hope Heís pleased. Again, thank you for being open-minded.